Dear Family,
So to start off I consider you all family, even if we are friends I want you to know you can come to me if you need. I will do the same thing to you if I need. so from now on, you are family. I will be open to you as long as your open with me.
quoting a bible verse. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV). What does this mean to me, well that is a loaded question? I do know that the Lord my God is with me at every step in my journey, I will not forget because of another verse in scripture in Isaiah 43:1-3 (NIV)
But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior
It helps reiterate that I am a child of God, he is with me when I passed through the water of baptism and when I walk through the fire I will not be burned. I know that God's love for me as a child of his will be what I need in times of weakness when I feel I can't get up out of bed or even do a simple math assignment involving fractions. So to move on why this has to do with my life today.
We all have stress going on, Some stress is just being you and having your life. Outside of what others see. Don't get me wrong this is a part of you is what others see you do, but I have experienced that your also what you do as an individual. What do I do as an individual you ask, I constantly challenge my thinking. Some are aware of this some are not. Little over a year ago, I made an attempt on my life. I was going through some past trauma in my life. I am going to admit it there were days I didn't want to get up to see the sun. I felt like nothing and was just wasted space; do I still feel like that to this day. Some days I don't want to wake up but that's life it's not always gonna be picture perfect.
I remember this youth leadership group I was with my senior year in high school. They helped me a lot to overcome how I thought about myself then. I look back and I still see influences, they have left with me that helped me be here to write this. I got in this depression during my first few months here, which I can attribute to a lot of things, that happened here at UNW. I lost an immediate support system I had back home. I do some check-ins here and there with him still so he knows I am doing alright. I got on a good formula of medication to help with my Depression Anxiety and ADHD. I have to be honest, when I was in middle school I felt odd being on medication, however, it has helped me focus a lot more on class and be alert.
Want to know my secret to being happy. Well let me tell you this, I'm not. I used to lie to my support in high school and I would say I was doing fine when I felt like an empty shell my senior year. I am open and honest about how I am doing know so I can break the ice and encourage the talk to make sure people are okay. I was in my Building a while ago, I saw a classmate of mine upset. I tried to ask if he was okay, I believe he still is I don't want to break the ice with him tho because of his culture, they always appear to be put together but he's human. I think I am going to go up to him and mention it and ask if there is anything I can do to help.
So what's my plans for life as of today? Live it to the fullest, I can feel like your asking how am I able to do this. I just am, I don't care what is thrown at me I will make it work. I had a friends father die recently, I am heading up to Duluth within this week possibly, I want to spend time with them to make sure they are okay. I love these two as my own blood. They see me as the same, from my understanding. I can't imagine what it is like for them right now. Doing perfectly fine but then it just hits the fan. I am praying for this family while they grieve and even if you don't know them I encourage you to do the same. That's one thing I know they need.
So to tie this all together. We can't do everything alone, I know I never really covered this but that's what I have hinted at with it all. You can't do this all by yourself. as I said at the start, I wouldn't be here for you to read this if I never had someone ask me how I was doing and I decided to be truthful with them.
So here is the main reason why I am doing this blog is to update those, I don't see that often. Well so let's go back to 5 months ago, it was my first day of class at UNW. I had this goal that I will let you know how I did in a few moments. I weighed myself a few days beforehand before I left my home for a week, wasn't planning on coming home but I did to see my aunt Cheri when she came to see her granddaughter's Graduation party. I went to spend time with her and my cousin Tanya, Still sorry about that Twit comment, I swear I have the brain of my mother some days, always screwing up on a letter. Love you, Tanya. So back at it, I weighed a whopping 354lbs 8oz. I know that is a really big number. Well, I was in Duluth over break and I stepped on the scale the first time since I left for college. I thought I was gonna expecting a few pounds gone. No, it was a whopping 289lbs 11oz, I did the math and I lost close to 65 pounds, I was crying seeing that number, for the first time I didn't gain weight at the rate I was. I ended up the weight I was when I was a sophomore in High School and that was the start of my sophomore year. 2014 that was 40 months ago, I went up 65 pounds in about 40 months. I am so glad I dropped it 8x as fast as I gained it. Growing up I was the fat kid in school, I can't think of a time when I wasn't the fat kid. I would eat because I felt empty because of the relationship I had with my dad and still somewhat have, I am no longer eating tho to fill the void I know I won't ever fill. So some have asked what I have changed in my lifestyle since I have come to college. I am going to be 100% truthful I haven't changed anything. I am eating the same, I guess it's walking everywhere. I finally feel great to walk around in shorts even tho I am still large. I don't care. I have gotten over me being displeased with how I look, there's nothing I can do to fix it on how I look except but change my lifestyle, I have worked to cut down pop slowly. It sucks, I have a cheat day here and then when I have one bottle and that's it. I am eating more of a rainbow and not white processed flour.
Signed Dulutheran Jew
So to tie this all together. We can't do everything alone, I know I never really covered this but that's what I have hinted at with it all. You can't do this all by yourself. as I said at the start, I wouldn't be here for you to read this if I never had someone ask me how I was doing and I decided to be truthful with them.
So here is the main reason why I am doing this blog is to update those, I don't see that often. Well so let's go back to 5 months ago, it was my first day of class at UNW. I had this goal that I will let you know how I did in a few moments. I weighed myself a few days beforehand before I left my home for a week, wasn't planning on coming home but I did to see my aunt Cheri when she came to see her granddaughter's Graduation party. I went to spend time with her and my cousin Tanya, Still sorry about that Twit comment, I swear I have the brain of my mother some days, always screwing up on a letter. Love you, Tanya. So back at it, I weighed a whopping 354lbs 8oz. I know that is a really big number. Well, I was in Duluth over break and I stepped on the scale the first time since I left for college. I thought I was gonna expecting a few pounds gone. No, it was a whopping 289lbs 11oz, I did the math and I lost close to 65 pounds, I was crying seeing that number, for the first time I didn't gain weight at the rate I was. I ended up the weight I was when I was a sophomore in High School and that was the start of my sophomore year. 2014 that was 40 months ago, I went up 65 pounds in about 40 months. I am so glad I dropped it 8x as fast as I gained it. Growing up I was the fat kid in school, I can't think of a time when I wasn't the fat kid. I would eat because I felt empty because of the relationship I had with my dad and still somewhat have, I am no longer eating tho to fill the void I know I won't ever fill. So some have asked what I have changed in my lifestyle since I have come to college. I am going to be 100% truthful I haven't changed anything. I am eating the same, I guess it's walking everywhere. I finally feel great to walk around in shorts even tho I am still large. I don't care. I have gotten over me being displeased with how I look, there's nothing I can do to fix it on how I look except but change my lifestyle, I have worked to cut down pop slowly. It sucks, I have a cheat day here and then when I have one bottle and that's it. I am eating more of a rainbow and not white processed flour.
Signed Dulutheran Jew
